haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
