We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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