She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
