I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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