my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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