Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
