I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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