ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just pynch a tree in the face
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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