I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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