Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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