I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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