my phone needs a breathalizer
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
only you would photoshop your dick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
