He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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