someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize