something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
