I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
