FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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