I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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