If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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