Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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