how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
