I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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