Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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