Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
