I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
