Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
