I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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