Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
