If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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