You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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