I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
