It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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