I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
