You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
