this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
