I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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