worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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