I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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