New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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