he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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