did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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