Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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