nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
