We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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