It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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