Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
