that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
