but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
