I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
