I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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