one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
