This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
