All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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