Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
