Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
