remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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