I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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