Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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