WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
