My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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