You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
