Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
