its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
