We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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