You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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