i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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