I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
