Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
