Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
