and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
