i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
