My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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