i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
