My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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