we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have feelings that need drinking.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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