why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
