It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize