Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
