I'm really into asian looking animals
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
