He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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