I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
