look no pants
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
