I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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