not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
