some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
