bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to make out with him forever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
