Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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